I was introduced to the 'stepmother world' through the likes of Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel and the local movie like 'Bawang Merah Bawang Putih'. It's all about wicked stepmothers.
My first experience around a stepmother was not my own but my late aunt who became a stepmother. She was never married before she married a widower, a teacher with three children. From memory, the children were very young between the age of 4 to 7 years if I was not mistaken. I was very young then too. My aunt went on to have many children. At twelve years of age I went to boarding school away from my hometown and at 18 I left to further my studies. Thus I have no idea how close she was with her stepchildren but I am certain she went through many challenges in raising her stepchildren and her own children. That I will never know.
My College friend married a widower also with three children but in her case the youngest was eleven years old thereabouts, the eldest fifteen and another in between. The two younger children were girls. My friend was single when she married and it has been many years now and she take care of her step children superbly cause the two girls emulate her in many ways. She is a successful career woman. She does not have children of her own.
Another close relative I know also married another and had two children with the new wife. Initially there were friction between his children and the stepmom but both sides persevere and with patience tried to understand all parties. I strongly feel that the children upbringing in respecting others, to be kind to others, to share material or love with others bring the whole family together again.
Five years ago I became a stepmother myself. This time around it's like the 'Brady Bunch' for those who grew up in my era knows the sitcom very well. I have three children of my own, age between eighteen to twenty five, when I married and my husband, widowed with five children aged fifteen to twenty eight. The courage to marry a widower with children was simple. I thought I had so many nephews and nieces whom I love and who also loves me, I reckon, then I thought it can't be that difficult to love and to be loved. I am a working stepmom and that makes it doubly hard to divide my time between my children and my step children. Not just that between me and my hubby we already have seven grandchildren. Four from his side and three mine. In truth there isn't mine or yours anymore. Daunting as it is from three children to eight, I am still trying to be a good stepmother. Five years on it can still get better and I am sure it will.
My three children too have a stepmother. There didn't seem to be any hiccups. All went well between my children and their stepmom. Now that they have a new brother, the family is complete.
I remembered a friend told me that her father who married after her mother passed away, mentioned that her father brought his dirty clothes for her to wash whenever he came to visit. She wondered why he married the stepmom, she told me. It definitely didn't look good for the stepmom, isn't it? Why the father brought his dirty clothes for his daughter to wash we will never know. Men have to play a big role in a marriage like this. But more often the stepmother is being judged and I say why can't he do it himself… Ha ha.
I also know a couple who had to breakup because the step children couldn't get along with their stepmom. Was there really a choice? It was either the father remain with the wife and never the twain shall meet or easier to simply let the wife go.
On a serious note both stepmother and stepchildren have their roles to play but the husband/father has the biggest role of all to play. May Allah ease everything for all.
My first experience around a stepmother was not my own but my late aunt who became a stepmother. She was never married before she married a widower, a teacher with three children. From memory, the children were very young between the age of 4 to 7 years if I was not mistaken. I was very young then too. My aunt went on to have many children. At twelve years of age I went to boarding school away from my hometown and at 18 I left to further my studies. Thus I have no idea how close she was with her stepchildren but I am certain she went through many challenges in raising her stepchildren and her own children. That I will never know.
My College friend married a widower also with three children but in her case the youngest was eleven years old thereabouts, the eldest fifteen and another in between. The two younger children were girls. My friend was single when she married and it has been many years now and she take care of her step children superbly cause the two girls emulate her in many ways. She is a successful career woman. She does not have children of her own.
Another close relative I know also married another and had two children with the new wife. Initially there were friction between his children and the stepmom but both sides persevere and with patience tried to understand all parties. I strongly feel that the children upbringing in respecting others, to be kind to others, to share material or love with others bring the whole family together again.
Five years ago I became a stepmother myself. This time around it's like the 'Brady Bunch' for those who grew up in my era knows the sitcom very well. I have three children of my own, age between eighteen to twenty five, when I married and my husband, widowed with five children aged fifteen to twenty eight. The courage to marry a widower with children was simple. I thought I had so many nephews and nieces whom I love and who also loves me, I reckon, then I thought it can't be that difficult to love and to be loved. I am a working stepmom and that makes it doubly hard to divide my time between my children and my step children. Not just that between me and my hubby we already have seven grandchildren. Four from his side and three mine. In truth there isn't mine or yours anymore. Daunting as it is from three children to eight, I am still trying to be a good stepmother. Five years on it can still get better and I am sure it will.
My three children too have a stepmother. There didn't seem to be any hiccups. All went well between my children and their stepmom. Now that they have a new brother, the family is complete.
I remembered a friend told me that her father who married after her mother passed away, mentioned that her father brought his dirty clothes for her to wash whenever he came to visit. She wondered why he married the stepmom, she told me. It definitely didn't look good for the stepmom, isn't it? Why the father brought his dirty clothes for his daughter to wash we will never know. Men have to play a big role in a marriage like this. But more often the stepmother is being judged and I say why can't he do it himself… Ha ha.
I also know a couple who had to breakup because the step children couldn't get along with their stepmom. Was there really a choice? It was either the father remain with the wife and never the twain shall meet or easier to simply let the wife go.
On a serious note both stepmother and stepchildren have their roles to play but the husband/father has the biggest role of all to play. May Allah ease everything for all.
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