Marriage ..LillahiTaala

Before my daughter was solemnised to be married, the imam asked my future son-in-law why he wanted to be married to my daughter and he insisted on an answer Lillahi Taala. So when the question was asked during the solemnisation that was the answer given for all to hear. I wouldn't dare ask my son-in-law if he understood what it meant nor my daughter because when I was solemnised I was not even sure of the clear objective in the marriage. However I am certain they know what that meant... Children these days are smarter I assume.

It is good to know the objective of marriage from the start. Many look at marriage from different perspectives. If you are the parents to the bride and groom you would be looking at different things and if you are the bride and groom themselves, you would be looking at different wants and needs for that matter. Assuming that all the festivities over the ceremony and celebrations (that alone deserve a topic of discussion) are over, life for the married couple now begins.

The plans and strategies to make a marriage work now commences. Both need to identify which direction they wish to take and when all plans and strategies evolve around following Allah's Firman, that is what Lillahi Taala actually means. Doesn't it? When this is lacking in a marriage, that is the root of all the evils in the marriage.

Firstly marriage solves the moral perspective between the husband and wife. After the solemnisation nothing is forbidden between the two at least from the socialising aspects. Then next would be to shape the spiritual environment they choose to live in. For Muslims the 5 pillars of Islam and the 6 pillars of iman would have to be used as a guide strictly, for any deviance away would have many unfavourable consequences in the marriage.

The psychological  aspects in a marriage too is very important. Firstly there must be love and respect for one another. Laughter is the bare essential to spice up the marriage. Often found, women who become subserviant to the husband. We are only required to be subserviant to Allah, aren't we? This too requires some indepth reserch so as not to go against the definition in Islam and not definition by society. Sometimes the wife does what she would be required to do by the husband until she would lose all identity. She wears what the husband likes to see her in, she cooks what the husband eats and sometimes the children do not even get priority, she eats the husband's left overs never the other way around, she cooks and clean while husband read newspaper and watch television. These behaviour has such tremendous influence on the psychological condition of both partners. However there too exists where husbands are treated likewise, thus the term 'Queen control'. Abuse is not just physical but could be psychological too and could happen to both partners.

I heard, just yesterday an Uztazah said of marriage,-'The husband is Head of the family' and 'the wife has to manage the family'. Please find reliable references to what being head is defined as in Islam and abide to it, not as what society defined it to be. As for the management of the family, it could mean everything under the sun, a little overwhelming.

Next would be to improve economic needs in the marriage. Firstly for the couple and at a later stage for the whole family when children come into the picture. Shelter, food, clothing not in excessive should be provided by both parties, if the husband can't provide all by himself then the wife must help with sincerity.When we plan to have children we must also plan how we want them to be raised. Prepare the children with highest education to serve islam and be leaders of tomorrow. The children cannot choose their parents so it is only fair that we shaped them to be the best both spiritually and  physically to contribute to this world and the thereafter.

Purely my opinion, the roles of husband and wife can be reversed. If the husband cooks better than the wife and if he enjoys cooking, then why not, then the wife can do the manly duties if she choses to. I personally know a lady who loves doing all DIY stuff around the house, who fixes the roof, the piping and sink leakage etc. I too know a couple who plays the reversed roles and who have been happily married for more than thirty years now. If there is a couple I envy most it would be them. For working partners, do not fret if you can't get things done. Just manage them. How it gets done is immaterial as long as it gets done. Sometimes things don't get done but do not get so stressed up about it either

At times a couple start with so much love and dwindles to none. Sad ain't it? Both partners must respect one another, be kind, don't demand, lower expectations, accept one another's strengths and weaknesses and love will finally grow and last with Allah's blessings. So never at any stage forget about being righteous even in experiencing married life -Lillahi Taala.

Allah's Firman
Surah An-Nisa' 4:34

 

 

Sahih International

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

4:35

 

Sahih International

And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things].