Weep If You Must

It was so heart wrenching watching the 10 year old son of the late stewardess, who was one of many victims of MH17, the plane which was shot down in Ukraine on 17 July 2014, crying at her coffin not wanting to leave her side. I have no experience of losing a parent at a very young age, thus I was so blessed. I remember an aunt an and uncle who passed away when I was quite young. It meant that some of my cousins had lost one parent when they were very young. I was also very young then thus I can't remember how life was for them at that young age.

Later in life my close friend lost her husband when her children were still very young. The youngest child of four was 8 months old, the third was approximately 5 yrs of age and the other two older children aged 9 and 11, thereabouts. Today they are all grown up the eldest married with a child, the second girl working and the youngest two still at University. I must say she did a splendid job of taking care of her children with Allah's Grace. The children are so close to her and she kept a close watch on them I know. I clearly remembered she saying this to me, 'you're lucky you're only divorced but I do not get to see my husband anymore. She was 38 years of age and 17 years later she has never remarried.

I was already estranged with my husband when I was 38 years old, my eldest son was 12 years old, my daughter, 10 yrs old and the youngest 5 years old. When that happened I left for England to 'run away' so to speak and took care of my children on my own. From then on, I wonder if to my children they kinda lose one parent. Need to ask them truly. I remembered making a vow to myself that I would focus my life on them as a single parent. From then on life was all about them. In England my support system was a family friend whose husband was studying and two of her four children were in England with her. Her children were friends with mine though the elder daughter had passed on at the age of 16. Then she was 10, my daughter's age.

On coming home to Malaysia, I got closer to my sisters' family. The children began a close friendship with their cousins which lasts till today. Whenever I was away overseas either of my sisters would phone and make enquiries since I left them at home with 'Kak Ana' our live in help. The children were introduced to life with extended family. Though Dad's love was not so 'instant' they had many others to fill the gaps. I know it helped them to refocus on new love from families instead of refocusing on the missing love from Dad.

It is never easy losing someone close no matter how you lost them. But life has to go on. It really helped to have a good support system and do not distance yourself from people who loves you. Let the children be loved by those close to them, aunts, uncles, grandparents and continue life as normal. Do not keep reminding them of their loss, do not sympathise, help them refocus. The important thing is for the living parent to be strong for the children. Weep in silent if you must but gather strength to move on. Seek forgiveness in Allah and may he inject the strength in you to go on and be that pillar of strength for your children. Only with his blessings can we heal and go on.

To all the spouses, children and families of the demised in the MH17 flight, may God give you the strength to deal with your loss. To the muslims the greater your iman, the bigger is your test in this world. Allah will only test you with that you can handle. That is Allah's promise.

Comments