My Mak (mom) was 66 yrs of age when she passed on and I was 27 then already with one child, a son and pregnant with another (a girl). By the age of 27 I had two kids and by that time when my life troubles started my Mak was not around anymore.
I could easily compartmentalise my life into three phases. The first phase were those carefree days when I was a child with lots of fun, no worries except wanting to excel in school to get to a boarding school as a ticket to go overseas to further my studies. Even then life was fun, going to my cousin's house to read her story books, flying kites with my brother and gang, playing all the traditional games of kunda-kundi, galah panjang and playing in the rain when Bak (Dad) was not watching. There was so much love around and up to twelve years of age I was a happy kid. I lived with my family full time.
The second phase, at the age of 12, I went to a boarding school. For five and a half years I grew from a young girl to an adolescent. The group of 114 were thrown together into 3 classes and in the dormitories we were divided into 4 groups - Siti Zawiah, Selendang Delima, Tun Fatimah and Mashuri. Literally everyday we lived with approximately 22 friends in the dorm and in class approximately 25/35 of your classmates are from a different dormitory. Every single day I literally grow up with approximately 45 individuals from both the dorm and class. Till today we are still friends, more like sisters. During those growing up years, I was only home during the term break, home after every three months thereabouts. Thus the time spent with Mak and Bak was so limited.
At 18 years of age I was offered a scholarship to study in England and by then I entered the third phase of my life. For me starting from age 18 until today after years of being a student, a wife, mother and a grandmama - a phase when I felt I was thrown into the world where I went through life without Mak and Bak closeby. Those days the only means of communication was by writing letters and it was so difficult to express all that there was in my heart as Mak and Bak couldn't read and write. So letters were read by my elder sis and of course the reply was also from my sis. So how much can you say in letters. Those days were the beginning of the detachment I felt.
I went through life from then on with the little religious knowledge, plus learning from my own family upbringing that I had and the love I was showered with during my early days. I made my own decisions on most account, I made my own mistakes some small, some big. Those were the beginning of my hardships in life. After graduation, I started working, then married and was a mother to two kids within 3 years of marriage. The marriage too started crumbling during the third year. I was out in the world without much guidance but no one to blame for Allah has given me the akal to gain knowledge on my own accord. Things were happening faster than what I could learn to apply in life. But things happen in our lives for a reason and Allah has destined our lives perfectly and the trials and tribulations are there for many reasons. I thank Allah for all that have happened in my life.
Thus the very reason I try to keep my children under my wings for as long as I can. I know I didn't quite manage it well but I can say I tried my best to give them what I couldn't receive due to circumstances during those days. Today I can have a heart to heart talk with my children which I felt I never had with my own Mak and Bak, though still being misunderstood at times.
I'm envious of my friends who still have parents to this day. I'm missing Mak and Bak so badly. Al-Fatihah.
I could easily compartmentalise my life into three phases. The first phase were those carefree days when I was a child with lots of fun, no worries except wanting to excel in school to get to a boarding school as a ticket to go overseas to further my studies. Even then life was fun, going to my cousin's house to read her story books, flying kites with my brother and gang, playing all the traditional games of kunda-kundi, galah panjang and playing in the rain when Bak (Dad) was not watching. There was so much love around and up to twelve years of age I was a happy kid. I lived with my family full time.
The second phase, at the age of 12, I went to a boarding school. For five and a half years I grew from a young girl to an adolescent. The group of 114 were thrown together into 3 classes and in the dormitories we were divided into 4 groups - Siti Zawiah, Selendang Delima, Tun Fatimah and Mashuri. Literally everyday we lived with approximately 22 friends in the dorm and in class approximately 25/35 of your classmates are from a different dormitory. Every single day I literally grow up with approximately 45 individuals from both the dorm and class. Till today we are still friends, more like sisters. During those growing up years, I was only home during the term break, home after every three months thereabouts. Thus the time spent with Mak and Bak was so limited.
At 18 years of age I was offered a scholarship to study in England and by then I entered the third phase of my life. For me starting from age 18 until today after years of being a student, a wife, mother and a grandmama - a phase when I felt I was thrown into the world where I went through life without Mak and Bak closeby. Those days the only means of communication was by writing letters and it was so difficult to express all that there was in my heart as Mak and Bak couldn't read and write. So letters were read by my elder sis and of course the reply was also from my sis. So how much can you say in letters. Those days were the beginning of the detachment I felt.
I went through life from then on with the little religious knowledge, plus learning from my own family upbringing that I had and the love I was showered with during my early days. I made my own decisions on most account, I made my own mistakes some small, some big. Those were the beginning of my hardships in life. After graduation, I started working, then married and was a mother to two kids within 3 years of marriage. The marriage too started crumbling during the third year. I was out in the world without much guidance but no one to blame for Allah has given me the akal to gain knowledge on my own accord. Things were happening faster than what I could learn to apply in life. But things happen in our lives for a reason and Allah has destined our lives perfectly and the trials and tribulations are there for many reasons. I thank Allah for all that have happened in my life.
Thus the very reason I try to keep my children under my wings for as long as I can. I know I didn't quite manage it well but I can say I tried my best to give them what I couldn't receive due to circumstances during those days. Today I can have a heart to heart talk with my children which I felt I never had with my own Mak and Bak, though still being misunderstood at times.
I'm envious of my friends who still have parents to this day. I'm missing Mak and Bak so badly. Al-Fatihah.
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