A woman who was told that it is dangerous for her to conceive decided to allow her husband to marry another. A pregnancy would bring risk to herself and the baby if she were to conceive. Medically I can't explain what the reasons are. However before she gets to tell her husband of her plans her husband asked her for permission for him to marry another for the sake of wanting a child from his own flesh and blood. Hearing that caused her to feel so hurtful despite the fact that she initially plan to allow him to marry anyway. Isn't the situation the same whoever said it first? A big NO NO.... it is not the same. The latter shows that the husband already had plans to marry another before she even had the chance to tell him that its alright for him to do so.
Another instance, a man consorts another woman in another town where he works while the wife and family live elsewhere. The simple excuse it's due to loneliness, disregard whatever the reasons for not bringing the wife and family as well to live with him. Presumably, the wife too has a career where they originally live. Also the other reason could be as not to upset the childrens' schooling environment. Does Islam state that the women 'shall' be where the husband is? Is it totally the wife's fault for not moving with him? In today's cicumstances where the women is also a breadwinner what is the right thing to do? What is the expectations in Islam? If one asks an Ustaz the answer could be the wife's responsibility is to be with her husband. However if you asked an ustazah, she might say the same thing or I could be wrong.
The immediate reaction would be for the woman to either fight by uprooting everyone and join her husband, or simply stay in the marriage by not doing anything and pretend like nothing happened, or likely the woman will give the husband an ultimatum either her or the other woman, or the woman is likely to ask for divorce by virtue that she felt insulted by the fact that her husband likes another - a woman's dented ego really. Men are 'naturally' more patient than women and that is the very reason why most of them take forever to make decisions. Whereas women on the other hand are very impatient, compulsive and when their partners takes forever to make a decision the women takes charge by making her own decision and men just fit into the situation after either happily, snugly or regrets or simply whatever.
The Uztaz on television said when the wife decides to give an ultimatum, the man is likely to take the offer and happily marry the other woman, and eventually divorce the wife if being pressured. If she asks for divorce immediately, very likely he will grant her the divorce similar to the former situation. In the end the Ustaz said who loses? The wife loses he said. However if the wife pretends like nothing happened, the husband would be like the dog happily wagging it's tail. I said that not the Ustaz. Ha ..ha So what should the wife do? The Ustaz said the wife should learn to remain calm and develop that calmness within herself. Good luck Girls! He also said that if the husband see how great the wife behave, despite everything, he may even touch base and choose the wife instead. I refuse to listen anymore. Apologies to the Ustaz.
Women like to be in charge so they make decisions before their men can, I may be wrong. There are still many women who just follow whatever fate befalls them. But Islam do not deter you from changing the situation to benefit you better with the Grace of Allah s.w.t. For me it is very simple, if staying with him takes you away from Allah then run as fast as you can even if staying gives you material gain in this world. If we choose Allah before our partner insyallah we get both in this world and the Hereafter. That way we let go of the anger, the jealousy, the worry of not being loved, we are free and we let Allah brings us happiness which we can have even without the man we thought we were so in love with. Once you have come to terms with that you can meet your ex-spouse face to face like nothing ever happened before. That's because we know now our happiness is in the hands of the Al-Mighty not our ex, nor his wealth that has gone to his new partner. Be thankful with what we have but try to strive for more and Allah promises his reward. Insyallah and Alhamdulillah.
Another instance, a man consorts another woman in another town where he works while the wife and family live elsewhere. The simple excuse it's due to loneliness, disregard whatever the reasons for not bringing the wife and family as well to live with him. Presumably, the wife too has a career where they originally live. Also the other reason could be as not to upset the childrens' schooling environment. Does Islam state that the women 'shall' be where the husband is? Is it totally the wife's fault for not moving with him? In today's cicumstances where the women is also a breadwinner what is the right thing to do? What is the expectations in Islam? If one asks an Ustaz the answer could be the wife's responsibility is to be with her husband. However if you asked an ustazah, she might say the same thing or I could be wrong.
The immediate reaction would be for the woman to either fight by uprooting everyone and join her husband, or simply stay in the marriage by not doing anything and pretend like nothing happened, or likely the woman will give the husband an ultimatum either her or the other woman, or the woman is likely to ask for divorce by virtue that she felt insulted by the fact that her husband likes another - a woman's dented ego really. Men are 'naturally' more patient than women and that is the very reason why most of them take forever to make decisions. Whereas women on the other hand are very impatient, compulsive and when their partners takes forever to make a decision the women takes charge by making her own decision and men just fit into the situation after either happily, snugly or regrets or simply whatever.
The Uztaz on television said when the wife decides to give an ultimatum, the man is likely to take the offer and happily marry the other woman, and eventually divorce the wife if being pressured. If she asks for divorce immediately, very likely he will grant her the divorce similar to the former situation. In the end the Ustaz said who loses? The wife loses he said. However if the wife pretends like nothing happened, the husband would be like the dog happily wagging it's tail. I said that not the Ustaz. Ha ..ha So what should the wife do? The Ustaz said the wife should learn to remain calm and develop that calmness within herself. Good luck Girls! He also said that if the husband see how great the wife behave, despite everything, he may even touch base and choose the wife instead. I refuse to listen anymore. Apologies to the Ustaz.
Women like to be in charge so they make decisions before their men can, I may be wrong. There are still many women who just follow whatever fate befalls them. But Islam do not deter you from changing the situation to benefit you better with the Grace of Allah s.w.t. For me it is very simple, if staying with him takes you away from Allah then run as fast as you can even if staying gives you material gain in this world. If we choose Allah before our partner insyallah we get both in this world and the Hereafter. That way we let go of the anger, the jealousy, the worry of not being loved, we are free and we let Allah brings us happiness which we can have even without the man we thought we were so in love with. Once you have come to terms with that you can meet your ex-spouse face to face like nothing ever happened before. That's because we know now our happiness is in the hands of the Al-Mighty not our ex, nor his wealth that has gone to his new partner. Be thankful with what we have but try to strive for more and Allah promises his reward. Insyallah and Alhamdulillah.
WADUH. Kok amat sih examplenya. =)
ReplyDeleteMoga semua menuju kearah kebaikan.
Oh isteri patut taat Tuhan dulu baru suami.
You are right.