After one month of hectic Ramadhan and having gone through the first three days of Syawal finally I have time to myself at home.
On the last Friday before Eid, I travelled back to my other family with my husband of one year nine months. Thus I spent the last few days in Ramadhan and the first day of Syawal with my 'other' family. I would be lying if I say I do not miss my own children during those times but I know Allah has given them the maturity, the good heart and the undertsanding that the things that happened in my life as much as in theirs had been preordained by Allah and they have accepted with Redha. I then returned to my home to spend 2nd Syawal with my children and 3rd Syawal with my siblings.
My life has been really different from the rest of my sibling's, at least from my perspective. The fact that my life is different, so do my children's life from their cousins'. I have three beautiful children, inside and out, from my previous marriage. It is so obvious that I am a control freak, even now they cannot be otherwise but beautiful inside because I already said they are so. They have to live up to that. This is one aspect of psychology I am sure that they, as parents someday need to do to their children. Ha ha...
Ever since they were very young they understood about living with one parent most of the time since Dad worked elsewhere to make life better for all. The children got used to life the way it was, each growing up finding their own academic excellence, musical interests, sporting skills, friendship but what's important is that they are happy children, at least I think they are. Sometimes I see the anger, the defensiveness in them but all in all they were great children. May Allah forgive me for there is no intention of being 'riak'.
In 1996, they followed me to stay in Birmingham, United Kingdom for a year and I reckon that year was the year they grew up so fast. The eldest, arriving in England as a young boy (12 years) and came home a young man. They learnt to be independent to a certain extent, taking care of one another when I was at University. Juggling, the studies and taking care of the children on my own was tough but Allah never left us alone to tackle any difficult situation on our own. I had a neighbour to cook for us one dish daily for dinner and we cooked rice, vegetable and another fried dish at home. Help was always nearby. A friend, Faridah was always nearby to help. She was the wife of one of the Malaysian teachers studying at the University. Her daughter, the late Ayu was close to my daughter. Her youngest daughter, Effa played with my youngest son. So the children had company while I was at University, sometimes they were at Faridah's home and sometimes at mine. In not so many words they were safe and never lonely.
Though, sensing there were troubles brewing between Mom and Dad, though Dad was not with us then, it never showed on them. We make the most of our lives there, as usual I was busy with my studies and the children likewise went to school and made friends with both the local as well as with the Malaysian's children in our neighbourhood.
It was also within this one year that my children lost their paternal Grandmother in May and later their paternal Grandfather in August, exactly 100 days later. They were my parents-in-law of course. That was the saddest part of our one year away especially because the children were very close to both the grandparents. Even if we were home they would have still left us as Allah Wills it so. But Allah Wills to take them while we were away as He Wills us so.
When we came home from England, we stayed at my sister's house in Bangi for almost a month before I could fill my house with furniture again as I left it empty before renting it out. Little did I realize this was the beginning of more beautiful relationships not just for me but for my children too. Before that we hardly spent time together but the outcome of that one month was that the cousins grew very close together. They have remained close till today. Alhamdulillah. Allah's Will and Decree is for them to learn to love and to care for one another.
I have tried to stay in the marriage but it was not until three years later I opted out of my marriage. It wasn't a drastic change for the children for Allah has prepared them for it. The beauty of extended family guaranteed them of unconditinal love all around. Dad still came round to visit, but the monthly visit was the same even before. No difference. The difference was only that Mom and Dad were not married to one another anymore. Dad had the same love for them, so no difference. Allah Will it so. I stayed as a single parent for almost ten years, until Allah sent me my beau. After only a week of getting to know him, we decided to be married and simply Tawakkal to Allah. Allah knows better. He sent me the most patient man on Earth as my children would vouch that I can be the most intolerable person on Earth to live with. Allah's Will and Decree had it so. Allah is all knowing.
All things that happen to us in our lives are the 'Divine Will and Decree' of Allah (Qada' and Qadar). May it be the good things or the trials and tribulation that befall us, it is all the Divine Will and Decree of Allah. Accepting them with Syukur for the good things in life and accepting with Redha for the trials and tribulations are the way to being righteous and that is how Allah test our Iman.
Allah's Firman:
At'Takwir 81:28
On the last Friday before Eid, I travelled back to my other family with my husband of one year nine months. Thus I spent the last few days in Ramadhan and the first day of Syawal with my 'other' family. I would be lying if I say I do not miss my own children during those times but I know Allah has given them the maturity, the good heart and the undertsanding that the things that happened in my life as much as in theirs had been preordained by Allah and they have accepted with Redha. I then returned to my home to spend 2nd Syawal with my children and 3rd Syawal with my siblings.
My life has been really different from the rest of my sibling's, at least from my perspective. The fact that my life is different, so do my children's life from their cousins'. I have three beautiful children, inside and out, from my previous marriage. It is so obvious that I am a control freak, even now they cannot be otherwise but beautiful inside because I already said they are so. They have to live up to that. This is one aspect of psychology I am sure that they, as parents someday need to do to their children. Ha ha...
Ever since they were very young they understood about living with one parent most of the time since Dad worked elsewhere to make life better for all. The children got used to life the way it was, each growing up finding their own academic excellence, musical interests, sporting skills, friendship but what's important is that they are happy children, at least I think they are. Sometimes I see the anger, the defensiveness in them but all in all they were great children. May Allah forgive me for there is no intention of being 'riak'.
In 1996, they followed me to stay in Birmingham, United Kingdom for a year and I reckon that year was the year they grew up so fast. The eldest, arriving in England as a young boy (12 years) and came home a young man. They learnt to be independent to a certain extent, taking care of one another when I was at University. Juggling, the studies and taking care of the children on my own was tough but Allah never left us alone to tackle any difficult situation on our own. I had a neighbour to cook for us one dish daily for dinner and we cooked rice, vegetable and another fried dish at home. Help was always nearby. A friend, Faridah was always nearby to help. She was the wife of one of the Malaysian teachers studying at the University. Her daughter, the late Ayu was close to my daughter. Her youngest daughter, Effa played with my youngest son. So the children had company while I was at University, sometimes they were at Faridah's home and sometimes at mine. In not so many words they were safe and never lonely.
Though, sensing there were troubles brewing between Mom and Dad, though Dad was not with us then, it never showed on them. We make the most of our lives there, as usual I was busy with my studies and the children likewise went to school and made friends with both the local as well as with the Malaysian's children in our neighbourhood.
It was also within this one year that my children lost their paternal Grandmother in May and later their paternal Grandfather in August, exactly 100 days later. They were my parents-in-law of course. That was the saddest part of our one year away especially because the children were very close to both the grandparents. Even if we were home they would have still left us as Allah Wills it so. But Allah Wills to take them while we were away as He Wills us so.
When we came home from England, we stayed at my sister's house in Bangi for almost a month before I could fill my house with furniture again as I left it empty before renting it out. Little did I realize this was the beginning of more beautiful relationships not just for me but for my children too. Before that we hardly spent time together but the outcome of that one month was that the cousins grew very close together. They have remained close till today. Alhamdulillah. Allah's Will and Decree is for them to learn to love and to care for one another.
I have tried to stay in the marriage but it was not until three years later I opted out of my marriage. It wasn't a drastic change for the children for Allah has prepared them for it. The beauty of extended family guaranteed them of unconditinal love all around. Dad still came round to visit, but the monthly visit was the same even before. No difference. The difference was only that Mom and Dad were not married to one another anymore. Dad had the same love for them, so no difference. Allah Will it so. I stayed as a single parent for almost ten years, until Allah sent me my beau. After only a week of getting to know him, we decided to be married and simply Tawakkal to Allah. Allah knows better. He sent me the most patient man on Earth as my children would vouch that I can be the most intolerable person on Earth to live with. Allah's Will and Decree had it so. Allah is all knowing.
All things that happen to us in our lives are the 'Divine Will and Decree' of Allah (Qada' and Qadar). May it be the good things or the trials and tribulation that befall us, it is all the Divine Will and Decree of Allah. Accepting them with Syukur for the good things in life and accepting with Redha for the trials and tribulations are the way to being righteous and that is how Allah test our Iman.
Allah's Firman:
At'Takwir 81:28
For whoever wills among you to take a right course.
Originator of the heavens and the earth. When He decrees a matter, He only says to it, "Be," and it is.
May we go through life with the strength given by The Al'Mighty to accept Allah's Will and Decree for us with Iman.
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