Strange thing about the mind, you cannot play tricks to deceive it.
Many weeks before Azeem's departure to Melbourne, he was busy with College and exams, also busy with 'The Marjan's' activities almost four weekends in a row and not to mention time away spent with friends from College. The truth, we, the family had very little time with him. During the night, when he is at home, he would retreat into his room after dinner doing whatever that he normally does. Have to ask him on that one.
I however thought that when he finally leave, it will be alright since we hardly spend time together anyway. So that would be some comfort thinking I won't miss him too dearly when he is away since I can just imagine that he is either in the College with his friends or at Iwan's, recording and spending the night there with the rest of The Marjans.
The morning after he left, there I was trying to deceive the mind but it didn't work. As much as I wanted to think that he is at Iwan's, I know he's thousands of miles away. It's tugging at my heart realising the baby is now all grown up and left the nest finally though at age 20. It was a blessing to have him longest at home compared to his brother and sister who left home at 16. Now I know how Mak must have felt when I left for UK at 18 and I wasn't sure whether I realized then that was how she must have felt. I am not ashamed to say this, as I was talking to my sister about him, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I have not cleaned his room yet (it's only a day after), for 'His Smell' is still there. My daughter thinks I have gone nuts. Little did she realised I was 'Nuts' too when several years ago she happily walked into the departrure hall without looking back and didn't give me time to shed even a tear. I probably have kept her smell for several days.
The morning after brings me back to these unfortunate mishaps. Azeem lost two friends at a young age, Arwah Abil and Arwah Hasiff, both at the age of 20. One was my best friend also a neighbour's son, the other was his very good friend from school, who occassionally came to stay at our home. May Allah give the parents of both the strength to go on without their beloved sons. Both died in a freak road accident, thus making my passion to fight the battle for road safety even more. I only pray that I will leave this earth before my children but who are we to say, we can only pray and Allah determines.
Many weeks before Azeem's departure to Melbourne, he was busy with College and exams, also busy with 'The Marjan's' activities almost four weekends in a row and not to mention time away spent with friends from College. The truth, we, the family had very little time with him. During the night, when he is at home, he would retreat into his room after dinner doing whatever that he normally does. Have to ask him on that one.
I however thought that when he finally leave, it will be alright since we hardly spend time together anyway. So that would be some comfort thinking I won't miss him too dearly when he is away since I can just imagine that he is either in the College with his friends or at Iwan's, recording and spending the night there with the rest of The Marjans.
The morning after he left, there I was trying to deceive the mind but it didn't work. As much as I wanted to think that he is at Iwan's, I know he's thousands of miles away. It's tugging at my heart realising the baby is now all grown up and left the nest finally though at age 20. It was a blessing to have him longest at home compared to his brother and sister who left home at 16. Now I know how Mak must have felt when I left for UK at 18 and I wasn't sure whether I realized then that was how she must have felt. I am not ashamed to say this, as I was talking to my sister about him, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I have not cleaned his room yet (it's only a day after), for 'His Smell' is still there. My daughter thinks I have gone nuts. Little did she realised I was 'Nuts' too when several years ago she happily walked into the departrure hall without looking back and didn't give me time to shed even a tear. I probably have kept her smell for several days.
The morning after brings me back to these unfortunate mishaps. Azeem lost two friends at a young age, Arwah Abil and Arwah Hasiff, both at the age of 20. One was my best friend also a neighbour's son, the other was his very good friend from school, who occassionally came to stay at our home. May Allah give the parents of both the strength to go on without their beloved sons. Both died in a freak road accident, thus making my passion to fight the battle for road safety even more. I only pray that I will leave this earth before my children but who are we to say, we can only pray and Allah determines.
I didn't turn around sebab tak nak sedih-sedih und nangis.
ReplyDeleteIf not 13 hours in flight cannot sleep asyik fikir je.
Prevention is better than cure.
=)